I wrote this on facebook

Well as many of you know that I've recent lost my health insurance, then sprained my ankle(same week), had to stop taking my pain meds(the next week). I felt quite alone. Wondering why this had to happen now, still don't have a clue other than God wanting it to happen. During that intense situation I handled it calmly and God worked an amazing miracle in me. He made it possible that I had no withdrawl symptoms. Going through the withdrawls is what scared me the most. But that didn't happen, God took care of me. God always has taken care of me.
So now two months after all this has happened, I'm still scared. I need to let God take full control. I need to stop being a back seat driver. I need to trust him that it's going to be okay. The trust thing is the scariest part. When I was younger I though I let God control my life and yet things kept happening that I had no control over or seemed fair. I tried it His way then I tried it my way. Either way things still happened to me that wasn't easy to handle. So now seeing and knowing that God can take crappy things and turn it into amazing things, it makes me wonder what is next.
I've been apart of a bible study at church with some of the women of our church and we are working our way through Traveling Light by Max Lucado. It has taught me that I don't need to carry all these extra burdens around, I have a savior who will carry them for me. But now it's putting it into practice.
God will make sure that if I do get sick or injured that there will be the right doors to open up for me, until then I've got to let God be God and do what He promised He would do, which is take care of His child.

Day 45

Title pretty much says it all. Today is day 45 without pain meds. There were days last week that I wanted to take a pain med to get some relief but I didn't. I realize that each day I make it without pain meds is a day that God's strength has allowed me to make it through the day. All I can do is pray that God will protect me and that he will provide what I need for that day. I've realized that this trial, without having health insurance is a time for me to release my control issues to God. I have no control of it. Well its more of a smacking me in the face telling me that I cannot control things as I'd like to that God is in control.

We've been talking about God reshaping us, and I know this is a time where God is reshaping me. It's kinda scary. I need to trust that everything will be safe. I want to see what God is going to do with my life. I need to trust in His plan for me.

I would love to go on a Missions trip but I don't know if my body could handle that. We will see of where God takes me.