Update

So today was a very long and boring day. Last night I had the urge to organize, so what did I do? I folded Cayden's clothes. Yes I went through his clothes sorted them out, shirts, pants and pj's. I enjoyed it. It calmed me down. But don't expect me to do it often. Today was tons of fun. Today I had to run the sound and media stuff for the Mother's Day thing. All I have to say is UGH! I am tired and I can't sleep. Yes its almost 8pm but I'm not even tired, my lower back is killing me. I need to do trigger point on it and maybe some bengay stuff. Today's weather has been crazy and hurts me. One day I will not have any hurt. That day may not be on this earth but I will.
Some friend told me that I suffer more than people see. Which is very true. I can't wait for that day when my suffering stops. I'd rather give everything I have to make people around me happy than myself. Yes I know its not good for me, I am working on this. Sometimes people don't realize how hard I push myself and how far I push myself beyond the point I should. I know I have those around me when in my time of need they will be there for me. I don't use those helps because I have a hard time letting go of my independence. I don't get to let my independence get away from me because I feel like I am losing a part of me. I can't wait to find that someone who I can let my guard down around them.
I'm watching this show called Physic Kids. Its kinda cool. I am interested in it. Its like me being interested in past lives and such. I can't prove it but its fun to look at and discover. Its like with anything as long as you don't let it run your life.
My thought trains have left the station.